"Money, Money, Money"

I am not in a good money situation at the moment. I thought that my expenses were within the limits of my income, but they're not. They're outside it. And my credit card bill is bigger than I thought it was. I've heard people @ my store say that the salary I make is nothing, but it was more than the last one, which was way worse, and I still thought I had minimized my expenses, so I didn't think it was a problem.....but now I have a problem.

Stink.

Only You

Do you think of me? Do you miss me? I am missing you... more than you have any conception of. If you only knew how much I care (love, deeply). I miss you.

Uh-Mazing Grace

I just found an UHHHHHHHHmazing church. Could not be more excited. God is so ridiculously good to me! Which reminds me of how "there's more to life than being ridiculously ridiculously good looking." lol.

I Know

I look back on my previous posts, and I am embarrassed by some of the things I said. Actually, I'm embarrassed by some of the things I did and how I lived. I know that my life has to change. My heart has been surrendered to God and my mind set on surrendering my life to him and living for His glory again for some time now, but now is the time when I must start putting that into action.

I know some people might have read those things and determined that perhaps I'm not of that caliber. God just keeps reminding me, when I think of the things I regret doing in the past, that I am forgiven. I AM FORGIVEN and nobody else has the right to judge me, or to not forgive me as well....it's just not their right. Like, who are we in comparison to God? If God has forgiven someone, then it just beckons that we do too. We can't act like our judgment trumps God's or that we're more important than God. Just doesn't work like that.

This move to Colorado was about me changing my life, and I'm excited to do that. I'm excited to live for God and turn my life around to the way it should be. I have nothing holding me back from that here, or in my life, anymore. God's the only thing in this world that I WANT to live for. I'm excited....excited for everything God has for me!

I know no one reads this, lol, but it's therapeutic anyway. And now it's time for bed!!!

I am a good person.

And I am going to bawl like a baby when Holly Abbot moves.

New Life....

This new life feels good :)

Upside Down Guitar

So, I splurged on a new acoustic guitar because it's another lifelong dream (to play), and pursuing my lifelong dreams is the theme of my life right now!

However, I'm a lefty, so first of all, I have to play backwards.

Secondly, this is going to be a very slow process. Stink. I'm determined to stick with it. I love guitar =p

How I Feel

Don't Get Comfortable - Brandon Heath

Comfortable, don't get comfortable.
I am gonna' move this mountain then I'm gonna move you in.

Yesterday, this is not yesterday.
You were standing on my shoulders now; you're standing on the edge.
You've been looking for a sign all this time.

I am gonna show you what I mean
I am gonna love like you've never seen
You are gonna live like you used to dream
This is your new song

So afraid but you don't have to be afraid
Even if you make mistakes
You know that I'll remain
You've been looking for a sign all this time.
If you seek you'll find me every time.

So I am gonna show you what I mean
I am gonna' love like you've never seen
You are gonna live like you used to dream
THIS IS YOUR NEW SONG

The Ups and Downs of Following Your Calling

I know it has been God's will for me to come for, like, ever. I knew that I wouldn't grow if I stayed in New York. I knew I wouldn't find the life that I've been looking for there. But I also knew that there would be low points in the process of this move...like the period between moving and making friends, which is now. And how it's kind of hard to reach out to make friends when I'm not going to be in this particular spot for more than a month. Right now it's "hustle to get a job and place to live" time, which is not really conducive to meeting people. It's just busy. This is the period of wondering if this move really will produce the things that I want. I knew this part of it would be hard...at least I was prepared for it, I guess.

More praying.

I Have Arrived

Well...I'm here. Now what?

I made the jump, I drove the 25 hours and 1692 miles. I'm now where I've wanted to be for more time than I can put a finger on. I've accomplished the "where" - now I just have to figure out the "what".

My life is going to change dramatically...but seeing as I've only been here for less than 48 hours, it hasn't really started to happen yet.

I'm going to be praying my booty off.

In the meantime, I want to just eat my cheesecake and read my magazines and put off reality until tomorrow.

Fear and Courage

I am scared shitless about moving to CO tomorrow. Shitless. But that fear is what's held me back to this point, and I'm only unhappy when I'm anywhere but there. I can't explain why it has such a hold on me, but I've wanted to go so badly for so long, that it's like the only place where my heart will be happy. It's just where I know I'm meant to be, my destiny if you will. And I know that a location can't fix all of the things that I need to work on in order to be happy, but I'm using this move as the beginning of change and making my life what I want it to be, so I am giving this my all. 200%. I decided 5 days before my 24th birthday that this would be the year of change, and I'm proud of the fact that I'm making the biggest move of my life a month and a half after that decision instead of continuing to put it off and then be depressed about it. I know I'm scared, but I'm also proud of myself because I'm learning much more about courage. This is probably the most courage I've ever had.

I'm scared to be leaving everyone I love so much, but I hope they understand. I know many don't, and I know I can't explain it so they do, but it'll be ok. If we love each other enough, no matter who it is, it will work out and we will stay in each other's lives.

And I know that this has come so fast and suddenly for everyone in my life...at least for those who haven't known about my obsession with CO from day 1. I literally decided to do this, I think three weeks ago. And everything just fell into place like "that". There's no turning back...

At least when I look back, I know that this is something I will never reget. I would regret living in fear and never pursuing my dreams. Life's too short for that...I'm going to go after it all.

This is it!! Wish me luck, and don't leave me. I love you all.

It's official!

I'M GOING TO COLORADO!!! It's official. It's all happening so fast, it's crazy! lol, I don't know when it will finally hit me!

I will definitely be taking crazy pictures during the roadtrip, which my friend JK is accompanying me on, thank god - I don't think I could ever do it alone! It's such a huge thing for me and it's also a ridiculously long drive (25 hours and 1700 miles), so I'm very thankful for that. It's the cross-country roadtrip that I've always wanted to do. I can't wait! I will definitely post the pics. I can't wait to get close to all that gorgeous scenery.

God has definitely been in this from the start...the way that everything has come together in literally a two week period?! It's totally crazy, but it's definitely God's hand in this. It blows my mind, I'm still in shock.

Shock and awe.

"Shock and awe - repeat it with me - what are we going for here?"
"Shock and awe."
"That was shockingly awful."

haha.

Some things never change, but I have, and that's all you need to know :)

Friends, I am completely convinced and believe in my gut that this is God's will for me. Please pray that God will continue to make all of the pieces come together.

New Days are On the Horizon

I am doing it! I am taking the leap, making the move, the jump....I am finally going to do that which I have always dreamed...and I won't say what it is until everything is set in stone, because I've talked a lot of talk without following through in the past. My friends and family will be shocked...but I have never had fewer doubts about anything in my life, and I cannot WAIT. I feel like my life is finally starting and I am finally going to be where I was supposed to have been all this time. My heart is so full it's bursting!

It's official!

The new Marked by Moxie e-zine is official!! Visit www.markedbymoxie.com and check back for regular updates!

My Quarter Life Crisis... I'm only 24.

"We grow older, we grow taller...but do we ever really grow up?"

Well, I suppose some of us do. The question is, will I be one of them? Will I ever finally decide on anything? Will I ever finally be happy and content? I keep trying to figure things out. I just turned 24, but I feel like for the past year I've been suffering from my "quarter life crisis" - and I wonder when I will find the end?

I've been jealous of those people who seem to have their lives together - particularly in the area of career. My sister is the Golden Girl. She did well in high school, went to a great college, majored in international politics, did study abroad, did internships that look fantastic on her resume, always had lots of friends, ivy league boyfriends, and this past semester got a 4.0 gpa.

My best friend is another one. She graduated from NYU and now works in administration at a reputable law firm and is a rising star within the ranks. She's cultured, intelligent, beautiful, and is dating a lawyer. She's also the kindest person you'll ever meet.

My dad rose from growing up in Buffalo, NY, and starting at community college to working on Wall St., running marathons, and becoming a philanthropist.

Even my mom, who lives with debilitating conditions and who has endured so much pain, has become one of the most kind and loving people that I know.

My Aunt Pat is the single most selfless woman I've ever met. She spends all of her time taking care of other people and giving of herself, her time, and her resources.

There's a quote that says, "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." If I am surrounded by so many amazing people, how can my report card look so different?

This is my early quarter-life crisis...(but I will emerge victorious).